I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings about the last month. I am starting logging my results because I had been running flat over the last three or so months. The idea was to expose myself and my results so that I would not only play better, but also do a better job of self evaluation. From a purely results oriented standpoint, November was my second best ring game month ever, and more than twice as big as my third best month.
But on the downside, I did a horrible job of actual self evaluation. I did a poor job of tool development, and I can clearly point to three episodes where I knowingly played badly in a poor mental condition, i.e. tilt. Talking about tilt, I start playing there and the full tilt bonus code 2011 has arrived.
Some of my failure here may be correlated to my positive results. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” The problem with that is that when it is broke, as it was yesterday, the first instinct is to play through it, and get back to even so you can quit. And when you quit, the last thing you want to think about is how poorly you played. You just want to turn off the poker bouncing around in your brain. It’s not an easy thing to do sometimes.
I’m not sure where to go from here. There is a lot of work yet to be done. On the other hand, I don’t want to come across as some kind of egomaniac braggart — even if that may be closer to the truth than I might like it to be. I also dread the moment when I suddenly stop posting results because that $2K backslide was followed by another $2K backslide, and I lose all the nerve to post such misery. Some people like to whine about how bad they are running. I sometimes even boast about how bad I’ve run, wearing it as a badge of honor. But when you lose big, the last thing you want to do at the end of that day is tell the world.
In the end, this months results are an aberration. They are well out of my expected earn rate. But results this good just don’t last. Some might say I was drawing on all the +EV built up in my equity bank for the last three months. I figure I just got more than a little lucky.
I also don’t see myself being this open about my results over the long haul. On the other hand, it may be exactly this sort of external pressure which not only keeps me honest, but also in line. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens next month.